Fickleness of my mind resides here

I have been meaning to document this incident for sometime now, but unfortunately have never been able to...for reasons unknown..

Off late willingly or unwillingly I have had to meet quite a few people, specially since now I am in Indore with my parents, it kindaa goes without saying that I would have to maintain the same social circle.

Anyways, I wanted to jot down my memorable(sadly) experience with this lady I recently met. Now I am a woman and totally understand the life we are expected to lead in a certain fashion as well. But what does intrigue me is the way we are thought about... referred to.. or looked at.

I recently read an article about rape on a school girl. if this isnt shocking enough, get this, she was in her 4th grade. I am guessing she must be around 8 - 9 years of age. Would'nt even have hit puberty and this was done to her. What I do wonder is.. HOW IN THE NAME OF GOD CAN A MAN BE AROUSED ENOUGH TO PERFORM SUCH A HEINOUS crime. Didnt he think for once of the woman who gave birth to him or his sister or his wife or his own daughter. For once did the absolutely spine shilling thought of having the same happen to his own female kin not cross his mind??? Coz I am sure if it had this would have never happened. This is what scares me from bringing another life into this world. I cant have my child see this, I would be too scared to even leave my baby out for one minute under these circumstances.

I was sitting in the office of an astrologer I have known for sometime now. She has known my mother well and since my mom wanted to find out what future held for me I HAD TO go and pay the kind lady a visit. This conversation is a piece of what was spoken that day between her and me. With my mother bearing witness and agreeing with the kind lady.

We sat there facing her as mom started asking her about my future and what it held in store for me and the family. She started discusing the current path and the dates around which I would experience troubles or in some cases joy.

As the conversation progressed she started telling me horror stories of women who come to visit her and how miserable they are even though they are professionaly very sound and have achieved what they dreamt of and set out to.
However, she says that they have shared some rather traumatic experiences of their life with her...one of them is a renowned criminal Lawyer in Indore.. her story is, when she was in her prime of her career her family agreed that she should take care of her career and not worry too much about marriage and all since she was doing so well, and back then her brother supported her decision too. Now she calls and tells this astrologer lady that she has found a guy for marriage purposes, he has his own business and is decently well off, but he is handicapped, lost an arm sometime ago. and the astrologer lady said that she should get married to that guy right away, reson being the fact that our lawyer is getting old and that she wont get any guy who would want to marry her.

Will write the rest tomorrow, even while writing all this I am furious.

Hmm.. let me continue.. now the lawyer lady has been thrown out of her house by her brother and sister in law.. and the parents dont seem to object coz now they are too old and they themselves need shelter..

Anyways.. my point was a woman has to be married just coz she needs shelter from the greedy eyes of other men..????ok....

She told me about many women who seem to visit her. and share their sad stories with her.. about rape and extortion etc.. Them being the victims ofcourse..

Then to my horror she actually narrated a shlok from one of the Granth's (Holy books written to guide along the path of righteousness) in Hinduism, and then translated it for me to understand better..

I want to put that down in Hindi as she said it before I translate it in English...

"Naari tu swatantra nahin hai, bachpan mein tu pita ki sharan aur aagya se chalegi, yaun awastha mein tu pati ki aagya anusaar chalegi, and vridhawastha mein tu putra ki aagya aur sharam mein rahegi."

Translation: "Woman, you are not free, in your childhood you will live with and according to your father, when you grow up you will live with and according to your husband, and when you are old.. you will live with and according to your son.."

She told me the same thing.. she said as a woman its my duty to live according to this rule.. otherwise the society considers me to be a BAD woman.. I am sure we al know what that BAD means..

I dont understand.. how can a woman of the 21st century, who is gainfully employed meets more people than you or me.. think this way ?? Does she have no self respect ?? Does she not have any faith in herself or her kind ?? This entire conversation with her has shocked me.. but it did open my eyes to an Indiawhere a woman is still degraded.. shaking hands with a man is still considered a sin.. forget anything else.. I wonder what she would go thru if I hugged one of my male friends in front of her.. she'd probably faint..

I want to do something to change this attitude.. I am considering what.. ?? do help me if you got any suggestions.. This attitude towards the women of my country wont get us too far...  We gotta change and accept the new day with open arms.. realise the potential of a woman. and it can only be done by us.. Woman of today...

LETS RISE.... DO SOMETHING TO CHANGE THIS ATTITUDE OF THE SOCIETY.. I DONT WANT QUOTAS.. I WILL GRAB MY RIGHT TO FIGHT SHOULDER TO SHOULDER WITH ANY MAN OF TODAY....

IN ME .. LIES MY STRENGTH.. TO TAKE THIS WORLD BY A STORM.. AND I WILL ..

Ruchika

some chap buys my pics on Facebook and names them Nefertiti.. I wonder why.. but anyways.. I did look up on the ancient Egyptian Queen and here is what Wikipedia had to say about her I like the name Nefertiti now.. :D

Nefertiti (pronounced at the time something like *nafratiːta^[1]) (c. 1370 BC - c. 1330 BC) was the Great Royal Wife (or chief consort/wife) of the Egyptian Pharaoh Akhenaten. She was the mother-in-law and probable stepmother of the Pharaoh Tutankhamun. Nefertiti may have also ruled as pharaoh in her own right under the name Ankhkheprure Neferneferuaten. There is also some confusion with the Co-Regent known as Smenkhkare who used the throne name Ankhkheprure Smenkhkare. Some schools of thought believe that Nefertiti ruled briefly after her husband's death and before the accession of Tutankhamun, although this identification is called into doubt by the latest research.^{[citation needed]} Her name roughly translates to "the beautiful (or perfect) one has arrived". She also shares her name with a type of elongated gold bead, called nefer, that she was often portrayed as wearing. She was made famous by her bust, now in Berlin's Altes Museum, shown to the right. The bust is one of the most copied works of ancient Egypt. It was attributed to the sculptor Thutmose, and was found in his workshop. The bust itself is notable for exemplifying the understanding Ancient Egyptians had regarding realistic facial proportions. She had many titles; for example, at Karnak there are inscriptions that read Heiress, Great of Favours, Possessed of Charm, Exuding Happiness, Mistress of Sweetness, beloved one, soothing the king's heart in his house, soft-spoken in all, Mistress of Upper and Lower Egypt, Great King's Wife, whom he loves, Lady of the Two Lands, Nefertiti'.

Nefertiti and her husband were known for changing Egypt's religion from a polytheistic religion to a monotheistic religion. They believed only in the sun god, Aten.

Nefertiti was also known throughout Egypt for her beauty. She was very proud of her long, swan like neck.

Ruchika

The truth is that I didn't know what I wanted to do. And I still... see more don't. The phrase "for the rest of my life" is too daunting, too everlasting. Too final. Don't get me wrong. I have no regrets about my past, about the fickleness of my interests. I wouldn't trade those experiences in for anything. Personally, they have helped shape me into who I am: a much more open, tolerant, interesting, interested person. They have served their purpose professionally, too. After spending six years bouncing around after college, I have gleaned one salient, important truth: since I am going to be working for at least another 25 years, I have to find the perfect job, the ideal career, the one that I would be happy doing until I retire. I had hoped that I would find my calling, that I would walk into a job and a bright shining light above my head would tell me that I had arrived, that this was The One. It never happened. Although I have picked up some good clues along the way, I still don't know what I want to do for the rest of my life. But I am determined to keep looking until I do. And that's a large part of the reason I always wanted to go to business school. Not because I expect to come out knowing what career path I should blazing down (although it would be great if I did), but because I probably won't. Business school provides me with transferable skills that allow me to make a good job out of any job. It strengthens my resume and provides me with a network such that if I make a wrong turn in the future, or if I don't like the path I'm going down, I can still back up and pick another route. Business school is the hedge that allows me to gamble on finding that perfect career someday, somewhere. And until I do, it allows me to keep looking.

This is something Mr. Bhawnani said in one of his interviews. The reason why I made sure I note it down here is coz I felt it is relative to most of us. Be it life or career we are fickle most of the times, which only means we havent found the one thing we can settle with for the rest of our lives.. and Happily at that.

Someone told me : Being fickle means you are pure at heart.. means I am the purest of them all

Ruchika

Where the Mind is without FEAR

Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high;

Where knowledge is free;

Where the world has not been broken up into fragments by narrow domestic walls;

Where words come out from the depth of truth;

Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection;

Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way into the dreary desert sand of dead habit;

Where the mind is led forward by thee into everwidening thought and action -

Into that Heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country AWAKE.

Rabindranath Tagore

Ruchika

There should be CLEAR signs for marriage...to do or not to do..  like you have the traffic signs.. or road signs whatever you call them.. LEFT TURN.. STEEP LEFT TURN.. or Cul-de-sac in my case.. you know.. make things easier for poor souls like me..

I wish someone had told me exactly three years ago today that the path I am gonna walk will be one lonely and dreary road.. If Only!!!.. I wouldnt have taken it.. I wish I had read the signs from the begining..

I wish I had seen through the lies and the deceit.. I wish .. I just wish..Had I pulled back even at this hour 3 years ago.. I would have been saved of all the unnecessary humiliation and pain.. would have saved myself a life...

wouldnt have had to lead a lie.. painful lie at that.. But Alas!!! what happened has already been done..

They say no use crying over spilled Milk.. So lets move on I guess.. the sooner I get out of this, the better for me..

Wow 3 years gone.. and I am still suffering..

Like master YODA would say ... Come to an end, this shall....