Fickleness of my mind resides here

This is my first ever biography that i have ever read .. I normally like some fiction.. but definately not biographies.. But I have to admit that this book has got me hooked.. I mean what a woman .. I am an india n but never knew this much about Indira Nehru Gandhi.. An extremely enticing book.. based on an absolutely amazing and magnificent woman ..
I think I might buy a copy of this book to add to my small library ...

Gotta read more

I was at work and usually when I work in the morning I am all by myself.. I mean no other staff is there with me.. only a few customers.. This woman walked in the store.. looking all drained carrying 2 big bags. one on her shoulder and one in her hand... I asked her if I could be of any assistance to her .. she inquired if it would be possible for her to use the store phone.. she said it was an emergency else she would not have bothered me.. now allthough we are not supposed to let anyone use our phone.. I realised the look on her face and let her use the phone.. she dialled a number but no one picked up .. then she tried another number .. then another number .. all in vain.. then she just said thanks and tried to pay me for the calls.. I refused to take the money .. then she went out again .. and stood outside this building not very far from the store.. I could see her standing there.. she waited there for a long time..and then came back in .. I was with some customers .. so she just waited untill I was free and approached me again .. with the same look on her face and the same question on her lips.. "Could I please use your phone??" I gathered from her accent that she wasnt a native english speaker .. anyways she tried calling a few more numbers .. and the process ended in vain again .. while she was dialing I saw she was carrying what looked like a cake and a bag of strawberries in one of the bags in her hand...this time I couldnt help myself and asked her what was wrong.. why was she so worried ?? She told me that she was supposed to meet her daughter outside her daughters house at midday .. and she has been here since past 2 hours almost and her daughter is not home.. She also told me that she was worried sick about her daughter since none of her friends knew where she was and also her phone was off.. I offered her to sit if she wanted in the store since it was burning outside.. she kindly refused and went out again .. after a lil while she came back in and requested to use the phone one last time.. I let her ... finally she got through to someone.. and said something in her native language.. after she hung up.. she turned towards me and said "everythings fine.. my daughter had to go to her university since her computer broke down and she had to submit an assignment.. and since I dont have a mobile she could not get in touch with me to tell me about it..."... she told me that her daughter was on her way back now and thanked me for being kind enough to let her use the stores phone.. and then she tried giving money to me again .. I refused ... after she left the store my eyes couldnt leave her .. and I realised the worry that my mother must have gone through when me or my brother or sister left home.. or didnt keep in touch .. I realised why my mother till date freaks out if I havent called her for a week and she cant get through to me..
I realised .. its not easy being a mother .. and its something that never gets any easier.. not when the kids are young.. not when they grow up ... a mothers heart always worries for her children....

There are a lot of us in the world who have found the one they intend to live the rest of their life with .. or the one who they are not forced to care about.. they do so coz they LOVE them ...
Sometimes I wonder what is this LOVE ?? A guy and a girl are apparently in love.. they wish to spend the rest of their lives together .. but they cant .. wonder why huh .. lets see.. there are a variety of reasons for that .. like.. the girls parents dont think that this boy is right for her .. or vice versa.. the boys family has discovered something in the girls so called stars that would be harmful for their sons future... I have seen so many cases where love did not reach its final destinaton.. the few cases which were successful were in my parents times.. about 20 - 25 years ago ..
Seems like now its more like.. while proposing the boy should go like.. if my folks dont find anything wrong with your stars and dont think bad of you etc etc.. I would like you to marry me ... and the girl while accepting should go like. if my parents dont create a scene about love marriage and dont think that you are not suited for me then I would love to marry you ...
Now this covers all the key points...
My mother told me that when she and dad fell in love.. she would go to every temple she could manage to go to and pray to the gods not to let anything come between them .. and to keep this love alive forever ...And dad used to write letters which were like 14 register pages.. front and back .. and not like once a month.. he used to write to her like twice in a week .. man I mean I wonder how he managed to write it .. and how she managed reading all those letters.. hehhee I once got a chance to look at one of the letters he had written . allthough mom never let me read it.. but she just showed it to me.. and that itself took my breath away...also she showed me a card my dad made for her , all by himself..
Till date after 22 years of marriage I have never seen my mom not waiting for dad on the doorstep.. its like magic how she comes to know that dad's at the entrance.. she opens the main gates.. and then dad gives her something or the other.. I have never seen him come home without something in his hands for mum...

Look at us today.. some of us claim to be in love.. but we dont even have time to write a small letter.. Long distance relationships.. one of you decides you cant live without the other and convince the family to send you whereever the other one is.. for whatever the reason thats acceptable to the family.. once you are together .. eventually things unravel and you start growing apart... something or the other irritates you.. and you decide that coming to his place was the biggest mistake you made.. or vice versa..
Its like romance was thrown out of the window after the first week you were together ..

I read this in a magazine and thought it to be very true...
"In the first six months of a relationship you cant keep your eyes off each other.. following year you cant keep your hands off each other... Two years later she is having her coffee and you are reading your news paper sitting at the dining table.. Ten years down the line... She is doing the laundry and helping the kids with their homework.. you better not touch her else you are dead meat ...."

When we are kids our folks tell us that santa is coming to town on christmas eve to deliver us our presents.. and we believe its true.. similarily when we are not that young our folks tell us that love is the most beautiful thing ever in the world .. it makes dark skies blue.. blah blah.. and we believe that too .. and some of us hope that one day I would find my prince charming .. just like my dad... or I would find my fair queen ...just like my mom.. and I would give my better half everything I possess... But when the time comes one or the other.. or both give up.. one trouble and you are down...no more prince charming and no more fair queen...

Looks like our folks forgot to tell us that love is the Grown up's version of santa claus .. No one knows if he is real or not..

I would like to know if we were to vote who is more realistic.. who would we choose ???
Santa or Love ???

I cant decide my answer to that ... but may be someone might be able to help me figure it out someday ...

Its Friday the 13 th .. well apparently its said to be unlucky to have 13th fall on a friday .. but i guess it doesnt make a big deal .. after a certain age we all seem to get the fact that nothings unlucky in life.. its just what one believes..

umm.. been at work all day.. and have been busy in the past with exams and stuff.. so havent really posted anything.. but hopefully that might change now..

Man i am dying to take a trip home.. havent seen the folks for over 2.5 years .. i am buggered.. need to see some loving and caring and true faces.. and besides everything else i need a break .. BAD...

Theres something about old hindi songs.. thats if you understand hindi .. its like they are so sweet.. uplifting.. just damn good man ...

anyways i gotta get going.. gotta clean this place one last time.. and then i am moving.. finally .. i'll have a place where i can open all my stuff and not worry about it for atleast 6 months.. that might be good for a change .. so i'll get back to my cleaning.. and then doze off coz i got work again in 8 hours....good night world

umm... lets see.. have had a lot going on lately, dunno what to say and where to start ???

My best friend in India recently got married.. and since my folks saw her at her wedding... they are after my life with full family force to get me married.. Unfortunately i couldnt attend my best friends wedding.. and i will always regret that .. but sometimes life does not follow you thru .. no matter how important your plans. .

Anyways coming back to today .. wanna go and see Passion.. but wont be able to do so for a while.. got too much work and less time.. Wanna go home for a break and get some time off this hectic all work no fun lifestyle..but that might have to wait a lil longer .. probably a few more months.. lets see ..

cant scribble anything else right now..

Up untill recently .. i never knew what to put on my site.. but now i have all the material i need.. i used to think of it as a waste of web space.. but now things have changed.. which is good .. coz now i am starting the work on my new site.. actually my first one.. coz the others were made .. but just a few pages.. and never uploaded.. so this onw would actually go all the way throuch .. (hopefully)...

Taking a walk to the community library .. will get some books to read.. havent any reading for a while now.. and then go by the store and pick up a whole lotta movies.. since i have 2 days off.. i wanna chill.. and be lazy ..

stuck on a few songs these days.. Faint and Numb by LINKIN PARK.. they are good then we have this song in hindi .. allah ke bande.. sounds real nice.. very cute...

gotta go now..

As mentioned in my earlier blogs.. my folks have been constantly asking me about the Big M - Marriage .. and I have kept on giving them the same reply.. once i get my feet stuck to the ground i can consider someone.. as a life partner .. But that was just to lay my folks off my back .. now i have seriously started thinking about the whole thing..

And now i am worried.. I mean seriously worried..This whole thing got me thinking.. how easy or tough can it be.. getting married.. being with someone the rest of your life.. sometimes you know that person.. sometimes you dont.. like if its a love marriage you already know that person .. but how much .. like you have been going out for a while.. but do you know how does that person react when he/she is totally upset .. sometimes its a yes .. and sometimes its a no.. may be its good to have some things left to be discovered after marriage.. but some essentials are me ant to be known before you tie the knot ..

If its an arranged marriage.. you dont really know that person atall.. and it could possibly be nice too .. i mean you never know who will have to make the tea when you come back from grocery shopping.. its like you get married.. and then you have the rest of your life left ahead of you to discover that person... But what if he/she isnt the right person .. like you dont gel together ?? then what ?? and we come from the indian BG where (atleast in my city ) divorces are not exactly taken very nicely.. and besides.. its not a joke..its marriage.. they say it lasts for 7 lifetimes.. so its not that easy to break it up..

I dont know what to do .. both are really enticing, I mean the ways to get married.. but duno which way to go .. both have puddles.. and both have smooth grounds.. but dont know what is right and whats wrong for me...

may be i'll just leave it to god.. and the family.. lets hope whatever happens .. happens for the best

current mood : confused ..

I thought I must write this down .. just incase i forget the things i have to do when i reach home.. since i am going be there for a while this time.. I might as well doo all the work i must ...

Visit all the relo's (it goes without saying).. then i wanna go to calcutta to visva bharati and santiniketan .. i wanna check out that place.. if its still the same as it was in the late 30's .. also i wanna buy loads of books this time when i go to india.. and sort out a library of my own .. small but significant ..
umm..and also i wanna go to Ambaji's its a beautiful temple in gujrat .. at the border of Gujrat and Rajasthan.. i have been there once.. but the prasad there is just AMAZING.. besan laddoo's and i love them .. so i wanna go there to pray and get some prasad.. hehe

visit kashmir if possible.. and take some nice trips with the entire family..
cant remember anything else right now.. but can edit this list later

gotta get back to my book now..

Theres this girl who inspired me to start writing blogs.. i think hers was the first blog i ever read and since then i have been a regular visitor at her page.. I personally like her work ... her ideas.. thoughts.. and her way of describing something...its really something...

may be one should check it out ...

http://www.entelechy.ws/

Just my normal routine blogging and checking out RBJ.. I came across this fellows page.. Debraj .. ( sweet name .. i know ) guess what he's a bengali .. and man are they sweet .. anyways .. checked out his webpage.. nice work.. i mean i like art .. and this guy knows art .. his site looks so beautiful.. i mean no brighty's but its so simple and so beautiful.. its just pure.. amazing work man .. i mean he is definately worth mentioning..

check it out..

good work buddy .. I only wish i had the patience to work on my site.. but what can you do .. i am lazy and i am impatient .. heheh cant help it .. and cant change it ..

cheereos !!!

oh his page address :

http://www.debraj.com
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